Enjoying Your Love

Two questions that I have heard many times in the past years are:

How long have you been married?
How many children do you have?

If people would just ask IF I was married and not HOW LONG I had been married the conversation that followed probably wouldn’t be as awkward as it tends to be.
The responses range from the too polite change of subject in Canada, to the giddy surprise in Korea, to the utter shock and dismay in Sudan. Of course, there are exceptions.

Last week I was teaching at an Agricultural College that is filled with male students. When the students found out I had no children after being married for many years I got some finger-wagging, some laughing, and some disapproving head shakes. But one man said, “Oh, you are still enjoying your love.”
“Excuse me?” I said, not sure where that comment could go.
He explained himself, “Before children come a couple can enjoy their love.”
“And after the children?” I asked.
He shook his head sadly.
I asked how long Sudanese couples can enjoy their love before children.
He answered confidently, “5 months, then you must get pregnant”

Now, I don’t agree that after people have children they can’t enjoy their love. But from now when people ask the follow-up question “WHY?!” I’ll just reply that Joel and I are still enjoying our love. It just seems simpler that way.


4 comments on “Enjoying Your Love

  1. Krisitna says:

    I love that response! I remember when James and I were in Malaysia and would tell people we were married for almost two years and we did not have children yet, I got alot of sympathy because they assumed I was having problems getting pregnant and they said they would pray to Alla for me.
    I do agree that before children you get a wonderful chance to enjoy each others love and create a wonderful bond with each other and yes the love does change after kids and if you let it you can loose that connection. I see it all too often with friends. It is always important to make your marriage a priority, especially after kids.
    Enjoy each other, as I am sure you are.

  2. Amy Epp says:

    Hey Heather – I saw this link on facebook and was intrigued. I love it. I hope you and Joel enjoy your love a long time whether or NOT you have kids. So much pressure!

    I’ve been thinking of you two periodically as my family and I begin to get ready for a move to Korea. It’s been fun casually following your and Joel’s travels and commenting once in awhile makes me feel a little less like a stalker.


  3. Corinne says:

    Sweet response! The joys of cultural appropriateness!

  4. Daphne says:

    love it! i thought the “we’ve only been married for a year” excuse would place us in some sort of newly-wed category here. but alas, even a year is far to long to go without having a kid. i’m enjoying the love!

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